Loss.

Coming up on 1 year from the greatest loss I have experienced in my life.

Grief is a tricky thing. It also doesn’t discriminate.

Grief can be defined as any kind of loss: loss of a loved one (human, pet, friend), loss of safety (physical body safety or safety within a home), loss of personal meaningful items (due to catastrophe, move, or change in living unexpectedly), loss of a relationship (break up, ending a friendship, someone moving away), loss of ability (due to health, diagnosis, or trauma), loss of freedom or control (incarceration, natural disaster, abuse of power from another), loss of future goals/dreams (infertility or miscarriage, break up, career shift), and many more.

I have been used to speaking about it and helping clients process through it for almost 10 years. Experiencing it on my own…different.

People cope with grief in different ways (all normal, all valid/understandable):

  • Ignore

  • Bargain and/or deny

  • Enter depression

  • Overwhelmed with fear

  • Flooded with anger

  • Filled with regret

  • Process healthily (what??? how).

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It’s normal to experience all of these feelings, and dance from one to another across the board.

But what do they look like?

Here’s a few visuals, some I have experienced myself.

Ignore: Life goes on. I am fine, everything is fine. Loss happened, but I feel pretty disconnected from it. If it comes up, I put it away.
Bargain/Deny: It did not happen, or could have not happened if something was different. I cannot believe this actually happened. When will I wake up from this nightmare?
Enter depression: Sleeping is difficult (too much or too little), appetite is minimal/none. I cannot seem to enjoy much in life right now and it sometimes feels permanent.
Overwhelmed with fear: Will this happen again? Will I ever recover? Is this going to affect the rest of my life? WHAT IF _____?
Flooded with anger: But why me (or why them)? I wish this was different! It feels so unfair.
Filled with regret: I wish I would have done something different. Why didn’t I make a different choice/say a different thing?
Process healthily: I am going to allow myself to think/experience these feelings, even if just for a few minutes. I think I need to see somebody to make sure I am processing this well. Maybe I need to start journaling or find a book/podcast that addresses the subject. I want to feel validated or find someone (or somewhere) to relate.

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The hardest part is recognizing that these feelings (as much as they feel permanent), they won’t last forever. That’s when growth happens. When we stop fighting the feelings. Again, all of these emotions are completely normal.

The next hardest part, in my personal and professional (from what I see in my office) opinion, is feeling like no one else can understand, relate, or really get what you are going through. No one else experienced the same exact type of loss as you. Even if two people were in the same experience, or lost the same loved one, your experiences are unique and different. Your journey is, and will be, different.

That’s where therapy comes in, if you let it.

Reach out, let’s talk.

Sara Macke

Professional empathizer, peace searcher, passionate processor.

https://saramackelcsw.com
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