Too Heavy to Hold

You’re probably tired of rallying.

Actually, why don’t you go ahead and say that out loud.

It feels hard, exhausting, maybe even numb at this point.

How did we get here? Lets look a bit closer.

More often than not, one major aspect of relationships is very much missing-in-action when people come to my office feeling defeated, exhausted, and overloaded.

Communicating our needs.

Let’s explore from the beginning. Maybe you started doing things…then more things…and eventually most things…without help. Why? Well, frankly, it was probably easier that way. We maybe didn’t communicate our needs, because at the start, we maybe didn’t need anything.

“Why ask someone when I can just do it myself? Not to mention, I will get it done faster!”

While that is so incredibly valid, let’s reflect again on why you started reading this blog post.

After awhile, it gets too heavy to hold. And now it feels too late to ask for help. You might feel like an inconvenience. People may get frustrated when you ask them to step up. It might be just plain uncomfortable to admit you need help.

This applies to relationships in the family, romantic partners, coworkers, and even extended family or friends.

So, what do I do?

Start. Setting. Boundaries.

And not just with other people, but with yourself.

Pull in that communication that we might have held back on earlier and add in those boundaries.

Here are some examples.

Boundary with yourself:
-I will not accept all of the responsibility/workload today.
-I will ask for help when I feel overwhelmed.
-I will allow myself a 5-minute break, scheduled by setting alarms to remind me.
-I do not need to complete this entire to-do list today (while it may feel wonderful, I just know it pushes me to the brim).

Boundary with others:
-It looks like I can get these items done today, I will be unable to complete the others.
-I need someone to complete these household tasks.
-Those expectations don’t quite fit with our family’s schedule; here is what we can do.
-I think I am just going to relax today, thanks for the offer though!

No “because.”

No apologies.

You just cannot carry on the same way any longer.

If others resist, react angrily, or consequence you (emotionally or otherwise), it’s time to reflect on those aspects of your life a little bit harder.

Now, how the heck do I start? Let’s figure it out together.