“Therapy is just talking.”

I usually hear the statement “therapy is just talking” from people who finally came to therapy after years of hesitation.

They have heard this statement from unsupportive family members, unhealthy relationships, or unaccommodating supervisors.

It is really an unfortunate thing to hear. What a burden they must carry, thinking a professional with a master’s degree just talks.

If you are new here, you may be wondering “ok, but what is therapy?”

Glad I can assist. Let’s dive in.

Arriving at your first therapy appointment, we will typically review the basics: policies and procedures, our background and education, and what you will expect from coming to therapy sessions. After that, the rest is you in the driver’s seat.

I will provide you options of direction, exercises and skills you can use between sessions to keep running more smoothly, and ways you can refill your energy levels to assist in reducing emotional burnout.

What your role will be: Where do you want to begin? Tell me about what you are struggling with. Where do you feel the most at loss? How have your relationships or daily activities been affected by the behaviors or emotions you are experiencing?

The first session usually feels like word vomit: “here is everything I have been building up to say at this appointment, do what you wish with it.”

My response? Great. Do that every single time. I will take it, organize it, and file it away for our next few sessions.

We do not need clients to come in fully prepared and ready to explain their life story in a perfectly formatted PowerPoint presentation. I do not care if you just need to cry the entire 50 minutes. I am just glad you are here. And I love the work we do, even when it does not feel like you are working, you are. Your emotional muscles are stretching and gaining more flexibility. You are letting the steam out of the kettle. You are holding space for your feelings and thoughts.

That is huge.

So, then what am I doing while you are talking?

While you are talking, I am using my skill set to identify core beliefs after noticing similarities in your life.

While you are processing, I am exploring your inner emotions, seeing patterns, and helping you make sense of them.

While you are feeling, I am validating you and helping you validate yourself after many years of invalidation.

While you are expressing, I am addressing boundaries that can be set to encourage a quality of life worth living.

This is why therapy is not just talking.

Just talking is what you do with your acquaintances.

Therapists are giving you more.

We are actively listening, holding space for you, remembering all of the dynamics at play in your life, recognizing how certain events have impacted and formed your pain. We are using awareness of your physical regulation and deciding which direction to go, shifting at any moment.

But hey, it is okay if your colleagues, extended family members, or current/ex-spouses feel like that is just talking. I probably make them uncomfortable. And I know that because I received a master’s degree in verbal and nonverbal communication.

Anyways, you are going to be too busy growing to hear them complain about your therapy journey.

Reach out…join me in growth.