The best kind of support.

A close friend of mine recently told me she started a new method of communication with her spouse. When they communicate about a stressor/problem, the other one will ask “do you need comfort, or solutions?”

I thought that was a game changer.

How often do you find yourself in one of these two positions:

• “I don’t want to ask for help and make my friend/spouse/loved one feel uncomfortable and unsure what to say.”

• “I don’t know how to help support my friend/spouse/loved one because I don’t know what they need (or need to hear).”

So, let me rephrase this for you: you’re not asking for help because you don’t want to be disappointed; and you don’t want to offer help because you don’t want to disappoint them?

Well, if this is truly the case, then you must care a lot about the people close to you.

That is something to be proud of.

Here’s something I believe very clearly: we need support.

Whether that means supporting someone else, or support for yourself…we need people. If we didn’t need people, then this would be an apocalypse and we would all eventually be very sad.

In order to reduce that fear of disappointment, let’s try something: preface what you need, or ask what they need.

Example: “Hey, I am going to say a few things here, and I just need someone to hear me out, validate my feelings, and then we can move on, cool?”

Example: “I am hearing what you’re saying. I want to make sure I am giving you the support you need. Do you need comfort, or solutions?”

9 times out of 10, I am going to let you know..…they need comfort.

Want to work on other ways to communicate effectively? Reach out, we can work on it together.