If I just avoid it…
If you’re reading this, you might have a tendency to avoid something.
Maybe it is a chore you need to do.
Maybe it is a person you do not care to speak to.
Maybe it is a topic you feel uncomfortable with.
Maybe it’s therapy.
My long-term clients know this topic well. And they know it is one of my favorites to talk about: Avoidance. Both powerful to do and actually quite controlling in itself.
I totally understand. It is easy and intriguing to avoid.
In your mind, avoidance probably protects your feelings.
It probably makes you feel safer.
It keeps you from having to deal with difficult people, situations, emotions, or something else.
You might find it easy to do, almost natural. You probably do not even care that it is your natural response:
“Nope, I do not need therapy. I don’t care about that. That is NOT something I need to talk about.”
Sound familiar at all?
Unfortunately, I am now going to debunk some of those automatic thoughts for you. You might reactively disagree. That is part of the response to someone poking at your avoidance.
Some of these are from my own personal experiences.
-Avoidance does not protect your feelings. It keeps you from feeling them.
-It does not actually make you feel safer, it makes you feel more fear…because the fear is just building, bubbling, or resting under the surface.
-Those difficult things still exist, whether you are ready to face them or not. Avoidance does not make them go away.
-It is your natural response to avoid because you are trying to protect yourself from a previous time when you could not do so. Avoidance is just your learned armor.
-Therapy probably feels too vulnerable for you when you think about the possibility.
Also, it probably is really harming relationships in your life. You might be okay with that, and sometimes you also might not be.
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Here’s the unfortunate, and uncomfortable summary of what was stated above:
You cannot avoid and overcome fear (or whatever other feeling it is) at the same time.
So, while you’re avoiding, you’re definitely not overcoming. And if you are not overcoming, the avoidance is pushing you further away from your goals.
Again, I know it’s appealing, however: is it really a life worth living?
Reach out. Let’s start exploring that idea together.
